Just as easy as picking up my laptop! I lean and reach over my desk—maybe a little too far, an opposing twist, perhaps off balance but only slightly, and boom. The attacking pain shoots through my lower back into my stomach and up into the space between my shoulder blades—excruciating and unexpected. I let out a muffled scream and hold my breath, frozen with fear. What just happened? What is happening … still?
Tentatively I begin to unwind. The hurt begins to subside. But,
I am terrified that the smallest movement could unleash the agony again—the sharp
jabbing stings and unwanted rhythm of throbbing pain. Ironically the nuisance
desk, the offender, that only a moment ago was cursed and blamed, now offers respite,
solid and available to lean on, but still I am frozen to the spot.
For several long minutes with the slightest and cautious movement, I continue to unravel. The pain has reduced to a dull ache but radiates brutally from my waist to my thighs. What have I done?
When I’m finally upright, I push the discomfort, pain and
fear from my mind. For now, the mental in-house
interrogation session as to how my back could be this weak replaces all physical
sensation. It is relentless. But I have been diligent with yoga practise over the past 4 months attending up to 5 times a week. I am focused on improving my strength. How can I cave so easily?
With whys and hows regurgitating through my mind and searing
pain torturing my back, I turn my attention to getting out the door ... getting to
Fiz’s for our weekly rendezvous to work on BOLD.
With the hazardous laptop in tow, I head for the car and tenderly
ease into the driver’s seat—the seat adjusted to a precarious position,
leaning forward, my head nearly touching the windscreen. This can’t be safe, but in this position the
pain is bearable. Anyway, I expect the pain to be temporary and gradually
subside over time. A bit of ice and heat and some special magic rub in a blue
tube and hey presto … good as gold in no time!
It’s not good as gold. Fiz takes pity on me as I whinge and whine. She offers me a heat pillow.
It is now my best friend and I keep it close. I am neglectful of anyone or
anything else around me, absorbed only in creating pain-free movement. I fail miserably
and the nagging pain continues.
I can’t believe how much I need to bend in a day and I can’t
believe how much it hurts! No bending for
undies or jeans. No tying of shoelaces. Bending
to even sit is like having knives plunged into my back. The pain demands that I either
get up and stand straight or get horizontal—flat on my back: one or the other. And manoeuvre carefully, slowly, and deliberately.
I assure myself that my chiropractor will work his magic. He always does
but this time, after treatments, the pain still nags and even worsens. This
isn’t my plan. By now I should be as good as gold
/right as rain—returned to perfect health, my body performing to my commands. Why not? Could this be more than a physical injury? Could it have an emotional background? Be
viral? Be a metabolic imbalance, or spiritual? I believe I am body, mind, and spirit—holistic. It’s all worth
considering but at another time. It
aches too much to think.
After another week and 2 more chiro sessions I am still
trying to find relief from the nagging pain. It still hurts to sit. It hurts a
lot. It takes me at least 5 minutes to
get in or out of the car. I unwind, muscle by muscle, sensing for any sign of jolting
pain that might halt my movement and pierce my breath. I remind myself … straight on, balance, all
weight in my legs, slowly, carefully, breathe.
It all helps and even though this tactic is less agonising for me, for
others waiting, the agony and wait must be unbearable.
Health is my highest value. I want to wholeheartedly work and play in life and I want the ability to
choose. I don’t want to be just a spectator, a bystander—not
participating. I snub standing on the sidelines. I want to be able to jump right
in, get my hands dirty, pick up, squeeze and romp with my grandchildren—on the
trampoline, down the slippery dip, through the sprinkler. I want to dig sandcastles, race from one end
of the park to the other, spin on the flying fox.
This whole bad back
experience has brought home to me how important my health and vitality is, and
how it’s not ok when my body falters and stops me from doing what my
mind and heart wants. So … for as long as I can, and as best as I can, I will take
care of me and my body.
It’s not ok when my mind and body collide.
Naz
3 comments:
So good to see your blog back ladies. It's been a while but worth the wait.
Maybe when your back is feeling stronger Naz you can come back to Zumba. Brilliant for core muscle work and a great fun and energetic complement to yoga. Happy recovery ♥
Hello Naz
So sorry to hear of your bad back. The same happened to me years ago and I found anti inflammatories helped enormously. The best advice I received at the time was to strengthen the muscles around my spine. Bike riding did this bringing lots of other benefits too!
Today I am pain free but at the time it was pure agony.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and a pain free life to be lived once more. I wish you a speedy recovery.
And welcome back to both of you
Poppy
Thanks for your advice Poppy. I am on the mend and returning to yoga this week but taking it slowly.
And ... we are both very happy to be back.
Naz
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